Friday, June 3, 2011

You. Officer. Are are CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER. GOOD DAY! I say GOOD DAY!


Driving to work, behind a cop is always a bitch. So for 3 miles I stay behind him la la la…
Almost to work, I hooks a left, turning into the left lane as the law states. Now I am behind 6 cars & the cop ALL IN THE LEFT LANE going 34 MPH. Ok fine.

I need to turn right soon. In the middle of switching lanes…WHAM! He breaks, flies behind me and throws on the lights. WTF!
I pull over, totally confused. He comes up to my window…in full on rage of fury, SCREAMING at me!
Cop: DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!? (Doing the tilted head over the sunglasses fuckhead move)
Me:  What? (Totally confused, because I just got pulled over damn near from the SIDE of my vehicle)
Cop: DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!? WITH PEOPLE GOING THE SPEED LIMIT!!?
Me:  Umm, no. I wasn’t speeding.
Cop: YOU PASSED ME!!!!!!!!! (Vein popping)
(Holy shit, this dudes REALLY PISSED)
Me:  I barely made it to the right lane before you all of a sudden were behind me with lights on! I couldn’t have been speeding, I haven’t GOTTEN ANYWHERE.

(Me trying not to get arrested & attempting to control the slew of WHATS, FUCKS & ASSHOLE’s trying to fly out of my mouth)
Cop: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
(Second cop car pulls up)
Me:  Excuse me? (Am I being punk’d? Well officer, there are A LOT of things wrong with me…)
Cop: DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING?
Me:  Ah, somewhere between 34 and 37? Depending on your radar? (But you didn’t RADAR ME when I was BEHIND YOU FUCKHEAD so really YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW FAST I WAS GOING, I am not amused by your fuckin riddles.)
Cop: SO YOU THINK ITS OK TO SPEED?!!!
Me:  No, (yes) I need to turn right soon, so I switched lanes that’s all…
Cop: LISCENCE AND INSURANCE.
Me:  Oooook.
So he waits for THIRTY MINUTES while I try to find my new insurance card in my truck and in my email account.
Anyways I got a “warning” I assume only because I was “smiling” through this whole ordeal. Because I really thought I was dealing with a crazy person.
I am still in shock at the fucking ridiculousness of this. If I was wrong I’d SAY IT and take the ticket and deal with it! I mean I have gotten well deserved tickets before (see below) and it was half as much of the I-GOT-CAUGHT-WITH-A-BOY-IN-THE-HOUSE-KIND-OF-SCREAMING-FATHER like as this asshole. This dude had SERIOUS issues.

Whatevs. Its a warning. A WARNINGGGGGG.
 V-Necks for life.